Don’t Get Cancelled! A UKRN’s Guide to Making Friends & Finding Love in the UK

For many Nigerian nurses arriving in the UK, the excitement of a new career can be accompanied by the challenge of navigating a different social landscape. What is considered a friendly and direct approach in Nigeria, such as complimenting a stranger with “hello babe” and asking for their number, can be misinterpreted as sexual harassment in the UK. This guide aims to provide context, clarify UK laws and social etiquette, and offer practical advice on how to build meaningful connections with men and women in a way that is respectful and culturally appropriate.

Understanding Sexual Harassment in the UK: It’s About Unwanted Conduct

In the United Kingdom, the law is clear. The Equality Act 2010 defines sexual harassment as “unwanted conduct of a sexual nature” that has the purpose or effect of violating someone’s dignity or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating, or offensive environment.

What does this mean in practice? It’s not just about physical actions. It can be verbal or non-verbal and includes:

• Unwanted comments of a sexual nature: This can range from compliments about someone’s body or appearance that make them uncomfortable to sexually explicit jokes.
• Making unwanted sexual advances or propositions: Persistently asking someone for their number or a date after they have declined is considered harassment.
• Leering or staring suggestively.
• Sending unwanted sexually explicit messages or images.
• “Banter” that is sexual in nature and makes someone feel uncomfortable. The key is how the behaviour is received, not how it is intended. If someone feels offended or intimidated, it can be considered harassment.

Crucially, it is the recipient’s perception of the behaviour that matters most. Even if you mean no harm, if your actions make someone feel uncomfortable, it could be deemed harassment.

In a professional setting like a hospital or clinic, the rules are even stricter. Employers have a legal duty to prevent sexual harassment, and any complaints are taken very seriously, which could have significant consequences for your career.

The Cultural Shift: From Directness to a More Reserved Approach

The way people initiate relationships and interact socially differs significantly between Nigeria and the UK. In Nigeria, a more direct and expressive approach is often the norm. In the UK, social interactions, particularly with strangers, tend to be more reserved.

Key Differences to Note:

• Personal Space: British people generally value a larger personal space than is common in Nigeria. Getting too close too soon can be perceived as intrusive.
• Directness vs. Subtlety: While being direct is often appreciated in Nigeria, a more subtle and indirect approach is common in the UK when first meeting someone. Overt compliments about physical appearance to a stranger can be seen as too forward.
• The “Social Queue”: Think of social interactions like a British queue. There’s an unspoken order. It’s about gauging interest through polite conversation and observing body language before making a more direct advance. “Jumping the queue” by being too forward is often met with a negative reaction.
• Verbal and Non-Verbal Cues: Pay close attention to body language and tone of voice. If someone is giving short answers, avoiding eye contact, or turning away, these are strong signals that they are not interested.

How to Meet People and Build Relationships in the UK: A Practical Guide

Adapting to a new social culture takes time and observation. Here are some positive and respectful ways to meet people and form connections:

1. Broaden Your Social Circles:

• Join Hobby Groups and Clubs: This is one of the most effective ways to meet people who share your interests. Whether it’s a book club, a hiking group, a dance class, or a sports team, you’ll be in a relaxed environment where conversation flows naturally.
• Attend Community Events: Look for local events, festivals, or workshops. These are great opportunities to interact with people from your community.
• Connect with other Nigerian and Expat Groups: Joining groups for Nigerians in the UK can be a great source of support and friendship. You can share experiences and get advice from people who have gone through a similar transition.

2. In Social Settings (Pubs, Bars, and Social Gatherings):

• Go with Friends: It’s often more comfortable to be in a group.
• Start with General Conversation: Instead of a direct compliment about appearance, comment on the surroundings, the music, or a shared experience. For example, “This is a great song,” or “It’s really busy in here tonight.”
• Look for Open Body Language: Are they making eye contact, smiling, and facing you? These are positive signs.
• Offer, Don’t Demand: If the conversation is going well, you could say something like, “It’s been really nice talking to you. I’d love to continue this conversation sometime. Perhaps we could exchange numbers?” This gives them a clear and easy way to decline if they’re not interested. If they say no, respect their decision and politely end the conversation.

3. The World of Online Dating:

• Dating Apps are Common: Apps and websites are a very popular way to meet people in the UK. They allow you to be clear about your intentions and get to know someone a little before meeting in person.
• Be Clear on Your Profile: State what you are looking for in a relationship.
• Respectful Communication is Key: The same rules of respectful conversation apply online.

4. Building Friendships with Colleagues:

• Maintain Professional Boundaries: The workplace is a great place to build friendships, but it’s important to keep interactions professional.
• Participate in Work Socials: These are good opportunities to get to know your colleagues in a more relaxed setting.
• Focus on Shared Interests: Talk about work, hobbies, and general life rather than making personal or romantic comments.

Key Takeaways for a Smooth Transition:

• Observe and Learn: Take time to observe how people interact in different social settings.
• Prioritise Respect and Consent: The foundation of any healthy relationship is mutual respect and clear consent. “No” means no, and ambiguity should be treated as a no.
• Focus on Genuine Connection: Build conversations around shared interests and getting to know the person’s character.
• Be Patient with Yourself: Adjusting to a new culture takes time. Be kind to yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for advice from trusted friends or colleagues.

By understanding and respecting the social and legal norms of the UK, you can confidently build a fulfilling social life and form healthy, lasting relationships while you embark on your nursing career.